I found hope

Assalamualaikum and Hi,

Yesterday I was rejected for one more time. Of course I was sad, terribly sad, crying all night while applying for other jobs. My morning wasn't great as usual. Then, I went to school and began to teach and everything went fine. I felt so happy when students understood what I'm teaching, when they start to ask questions and when they behave of course. It's like they understand I've gone through hard times.

Just like happiness, hard tough times won't last. Like Vivy said, it's all up in the mind. Yes, it's true. As soon as I walked out of the class, I told myself, this is just another rejection. I've faced it so many times already, one couldn't make me give up that easy. What meant to be will never missed me, and what missed me were never meant for me.

There are so many things to be happy and be grateful for. I've think about it so many times, I even listed it. I am a lucky girl, born with so many priviliges. Maybe not as lucky as others, but still better than some. Whatever I'm facing right now, it's just a little bit of what others are facing. Everyone has their own tough times, but my time is now. If I can go through this, I can survive life. If I give up now, I'm a real loser. 

Why choose to be sad if I can be happy everyday? Why choose to think of everything I don't have when I have many to be thankful for? The choice is in my hands, and now I choose to be positive. Life is bad and unfair and whatever negative we can think of, but we are not. So let's move on and be strong. You can do this girl!

Where is hope?

Assalamualaikum and Hi,

I promise myself not write when I'm sad but I don't know where else to voice my sadness and pain except here.

Life has its ups and downs. I've been ups most of the time, but now life is dragging me down, like really really down. I tried to pick myself up whenever I fall, but I don't have the power to make it better. I'm trying to put back the pieces that left, but currently I can't. Failing so many times cause me so much pain and made me lose a lot of my strength. I'm losing hope. I don't think life will get any better now.

Maybe God is punishing me for all the sins I've done, or He has a better plan for me, but for now, there's nothing I can do except cry.

This moment

Assalamualaikum and Hi,

I haven't write anything for so long. Things are quite hard for me now. I'm in intense pain at the moment. I couldn't voice it out to anyone so I just keep it to myself and cry under my pillow.

Bad times will pass soon.
Tough times too.
Pain too.
Everything will be better, but in this moment, my heart shatters in every possible way.

I just hope I will have more and more strength to go through everything.

May Allah ease.

Trip to KL

Assalamualaikum and Hi,

[I wrote this on 27th January]

Right now I'm currently in the train from KL to Kedah. I just woke up from my sleep, and I think I should write this for me to remember.

I arrived here around 4pm on Wednesday, 24th January after 6 hour journey on the ETS. I met a stranger and had a good chat with the person. Then I went to Husna's place, had dinner together and get some rest.

On the next day, I woke up early and practised for the interview scheduled at 1.30pm. I met Mama's relatives whom I called as Mak Long and went for lunch with her. She brought me to this one sushi place and it was so niceeee!

Then I went to the interview at 1pm. The interview went quite okay but not as good as I imagined. I just hope there's still hope for me. It ended at 5pm and then Mak Long send me to KLCC to see Husna. 

I had a quick early dinner with Husna and then we walked around together. After Maghrib prayers, our friend, Muammar came and we went to this place called GreenHouse. It was quite a nice place to lepak with your friends because it was cozy and exclusive. However, the food is quite pricey and too western. What I meant by too western is like there's no fusion flavours. As Malaysian, if we like chicken chop, it's like street food chicken chop that is a little bit spicy. That's what I meant. Nevertheless, we had a long chat for 3 hours catching up with each other's life.

On the following day, I stayed at Husna's place when she went to work. Then I went to Jalan Tar around 2pm and bought few pieces scarves for me and my friends as a gift from Husna to us. It was raining and I decided to walk in the rain, and I felt happy (I don't know what's wrong with you woman).

After Husna finished working, we went home to pray and pack our stuffs, then off we went to Farhana's place. She picked up us at the nearest LRT station and we went to a restaurant called Sunan Drajat, which is famous for the Ayam Penyet. Nina came and joined us for dinner. Then we went to Farhana's home and cleaned up ourselves before having a catch up session. Fakhira came at 10 and then we played charade game together. At 12 am, Along who came to KL too from Kedah for interview too. We pushed to share with us her story and secrets. Im the end, all of us slept at 2am.

We all woke up around 7.30am, and had Nasi Lemak for breakfast. Then we continued chatting again. At 8.30am, Nina went to UIA Gombak to register her sister for degree there. Farhana went to Krabi at 10.30pm. We ate some food and slept for a while. Along checked her email and the interview she went last time was successful! Alhamdulillah for Along.

At 2.30pm, Nina picked up us and we went to Melawati Mall. We had lunch at the food court and Fakhira treated us for desserts. We rushed to the LRT station at 4.50pm because afraid I will miss my train. Before we departed, we hugged and thanking each other for the short quality time spend together. I almost cried because well I'm such a drama girl. I hope we will meet again and always stay in this friendship forever. Husna and me took the LRT and alhamdulillah I managed to arrive at KL Central before 6.15pm. I fell as asleep as soon I take a seat on the train. Now I'm writing this after I woke up.

This trip to KL is such a precious memory to me. I came here for the interview, although my heart was a little broken about what happened in the interview, I learn a lot of new things there, how to improve myself more and all. I really want that job because I know it suits me, but Allah knows best. If it meant to be for me it will be, but if it's not, then I have to let it go and do it better in the next opportunities.

I met my friends and relatives and spend time with them. I realized I had small circle of friends, but they were very precious to me. We are not too attached like Whatsapping each other everyday or anything, but when we meet, we are not awkard with each other and it always felt like uni days. I really love this kind of friendship. I hope our friendship will last forever, and we always have each other during important days of our lives in shaa Allah.

I don't know if my friends will read this but whenever you all find this blog someday, I want you all to know that you have bring joy and happiness to someone's life and you feel the same too. Thank you, gems ❤

P/s: to everyone who read this, please pray for Adlina Maisarah to get this job I really want, in shaa Allah. Aminnn.

Update: I didn't get the job, but I still have another chance for another job.