2022: December, a race towards the end

Assalamualaikum & Hi,

I started December with finishing 5 seasons of Ghost Whisperer, it was really a great show! I went for groceries shopping & prep my meal, for days when don't feel like buying or cooking but want to eat at home. It usually lasted for quite some time.

On first weekend, I went to Penang because I wanted to go to my high school friend's wedding. I visited my mom's family too & spent some time with my grandmother. Then, I went to Ipoh & Sungkai with my brother because he had wedding to attend too. It's a great time spending time only with my brother. Never thought I'd do that. I went back to Kedah for a while to see my niece.

This month also I started to buy my company shares, with hope it will grow aminnnn. I was busy calculating the tax things & looking for all the receipts of everything I bought. I calculated my spendings this year because I wanted to see my money went. It was as expected but certain things really surprised me! So I bought a budget planner for 2023 because I wanted to track where I actually spent my money before it went away & cut unnecessary things.

Had lunch dates with the team & the Gen Z gang before closing. I was scolded by my boss as well for wanting to go more when I should put a stop to my work - that made me cried lol. Watched Enola Holmes 1 & 2 - why nobody told me it was sooo amazingly goood?!

During the holiday breaks, my family & I went to celebrate Tuwa's birthday & had great lunch at Grand Canyon. My teeth decided to make me suffered in pain again, so I went to government clinic but I really need to remove this teeth so I booked an appointment with my favourite beautiful doctor because I couldn't say no to her.

Then I went to Penang with the whole family. We ate dinner at Padang Brown, had the best soy milk ever! 

Of course after that, I have to go back to KL again to start hustle as usual. Really thankful for December ❤️

Till then,

Adlina.

2022: November, reorganizing life

Assalamualaikum & Hi,

Everything was happening so fast these days, & it took so long for me to write but I really want to keep my memories here.

November memories:

- finally decided to further my studies (after 6 years!)

- OT at production for experience, it wasn't easy but after that I never argue with my boss about work anymore #sayainsaf 😆

- went to govt dental clinic for the first time on my own & impressed with the services.

- downgrade from postpaid to prepaid after 6 years

- ate at canteen with Telesales team most days when WFO

- got scolded by my doctor for not wearing sunglasses

- spend 3 weekends going back & forth from Bangi-Changlun like it's 20 minutes away (but it's 8 hours 😮‍💨)

- manage to reorganizing my life but forgot a lot of important things as well

- became an Aunty Kakak when my sister gave birth to a really beautiful babyyy

- attended Mirza's graduation day!

- my best friend who went through a lot got married!

- I bought telekung Siti Khadijah for my mother & grandmother

- ate steamboat at home, celebrated October & November babies' birthday

- bought a microwave for my father! & we got huge discount because I redeemed my credit card points & there's sale

Alsoooo there's #GE14 vs #GE15!

Looking back 4 years flew to fast & a lot of things happened.
I've been in 4 cities - Klang, Kelana Jaya, & Bangi (also Changlun in between)
Starting from young fresh graduate struggling to start working life on her own feet to a young professional who's started to grow & learning in life.
From then till now, I still have to struggle & work hard. But 4 years definitely make a very very huge differences for me, as a person, definitely more to the country. Who knows what the next 4 years can be?

PH won for & Anwar Ibrahim made it to become PM after 20 years! He's so consistent. I just hope Malaysia to be a better place. Whoever won, I still need to work hard anyway.

This month, I sorted things out & still adjusting my routine. I practiced waking up early & sleeping on time because I need to study as well, but of course it took time to adjust to that. Things get better because I was not as busy as I used to & I already adapted to my schedules.

A quote to remember shared by my boss, "You will have challenges, but the ownership is yours"

May December will have the best ending!

Ps: still a later post hehe

Till then,

Adlina

2022: October, time to slow down

Assalamualaikum & Hi,

It's already the end of October, which also flew pretty fast for me but a lot of things started to slow down for me. 4 weeks just ended in an instant for me.

Week 1:
After the lasik surgery, I went back to Kedah with Mama & Mahirah because I got 1 week medical leave. On the third day, my eyes stopped flowing with tears, so on the fourth day I started working again since it's the beginning of the month but I did it at a slower pace.
On Thursday night, I went back to KL because I have appointment with my doctor. I arrived at Hentian Duta at 6am thus I randomly decided to go to Masjid Wilayah.
It was the best decision I've made because I felt so calm being there; prayed Subuh with the Imam, then I read Al Quran until 8am. Thank you Allah for bringing me here.
Then I went to see the doctor for eye checkup. It was for a short while only & around 10am I was already done. To kill time, I went back the nearest mall because Mama wanted some fruits from there. I took bus to go back to Kedah at 12pm.
Once I arrived home, we celebrated October babies' birthdays - we ate Baskin Robbin cake for the first time!
I spend the rest of the weekend with my family; going out for breakfast & went to kenduri together.

Week 2:
I went to training of corporate culture & it was nice because it taught us different kind of ways to think. I also did groceries shopping, & ready a chapter of the book I needed to present the following week. I spend the weekend resting at home

Week 3:
I had my presentation, which was scary haha but it turned out to be a great discussion session. I love amazing sessions like this! We also had Isaac's farewell, everyone was so sad to let him go but he's going for better things so we're so happy for him. Then I went back to Kedah. I attended so many kenduri that weekend until my blood smelled like air sirap 😆

Week 4:
I went to the mall with my family during Deepavali - we ate sushii, shopping & played bowling together for the first time ever! On the way back we bought "burger bakaq" which was so good & instead of using coal, they used coconut coir. I continued WFH for the rest of the week trying to push through my sales, but they were certain things I couldn't hit because many things were out of stock. I started reading a book too, & then I went back to KL to start a new month.

Things were moving pretty fast, & I travelled a lot in October.  Before going into November, I wished to clean up & reorganize everything in my life before going into 2023 in two months. We can do this girl, everything starts, NOW!

Ps: I've been keeping this in my draft for quite some time sorryyyy

Till then,
Adlina

Grieving will make it go away

Assalamualaikum & Hi,

Today it was raining & I came across a song "The One that Got Away" which I've put in my Brokenhearted playlist on Spotify.

The weather & the song kind of reminds me of old pain. The one I already get rid of, but it will always made remember how far I went through when it came to my mind.

The day my heart was terribly broken, was on Tuesday, 29th September, exactly during my lunch break. When I got the news, I tried to hold my tears, but I just couldn't. I was talking through the phone with my client while tears flowing down my cheeks.

The pain felt like, it wasn't exactly pain, but more to dissapointment, because someone I really trust, love, been through ups & downs left me just like that - like I was so meaningless in his life & how a person can change in a blink of an eye. Until now I still didn't understand how & why it happened because I really didn't get a proper closure as I was left hanging in the dark.

When I reached home, I cried & keep crying until I felll asleep.

I am a person who will share happy stories only with my loved ones. All the painful things I will usually keep it on my own. But this kind of pain was something I couldn't keep. I didn't explode or get mad but I thought if I kept in on my own I'd be crazy. So I told my mom, & she's shocked too but she calmed me down. I kept telling how I felt to her, & although she definitely didn't understand, she listened. & then I slowly gradually told my family & best friends.

I want to share about my grieving process. I cried, I felt lost, I was on my own in the dark processing everything, I lost my appetite, & I lose weight. I think that's around 2 months.

After that I tried to stop the grieving, by forgetting, throwing away & not seeing anything related to my pain but each time I fell back into grieving again. At one point I just get along with my sorrrow, following whatever I felt, until I realized how stupid I was - wasting years with this person, & then another year of being sad while the another person lived happily, which I wouldn't interrupt, so why am I living like this?

Starting that day onwards, I never entertained my sadness again. I embraced all my dissapointments, but I never let it engulfed me until it affected me & stopped me from living happily, like really happy.

I have been growing so so much after I stopped grieving. There were days I wondered, what if I just move on without grieving? I never got the answers, but deep in my heart, I knew I will explode along the way if I didn't properly acknowledge my sorrow. So when the second time my heart was broken, it didn't hurt as much as the first one. & I left as soon I realized it's not worth it to be lied to. But I did grieved for a while before I moved on. 

While writing this, I realized, grieving is actually my closure. Although I once listened to "The One that Got Away" 50 times per day, I eventually moved on & stopped listening to the song.

Like rainbow coming after the rain, life too will be colourful & bloom beautifully when you stop grieving 🌷🌈

You will become a completely different person than before, you will love yourself more than ever, & you will realize your worth so you never settle for less anymore.

So today, just grief as much as you want, cry as much as you want, be sad as long as you want, but promise me one day, you will stop feeling that way, because you deserve so much than this pain.

The roadd is soo wide & long for you to treasure & the pain is not the end. It's just the end of a road for you to move to a better place. You will make it through, trust me, because I did ❤️

Till then,

Adlina