Kekuatan

Dalam setiap sujudku,
Aku mohon pada Tuhan,
Berikanlah aku kesabaran,
Berikanlah aku kekuatan,
Untuk aku sentiasa mampu bertahan.

Aku tahu hidup ini penuh cabaran,
Dan aku tahu hanya Engkau yang mampu memberiku kesenangan,
Permudahkanlah dan jangan dipersulitkan.

Bantu aku Tuhan,
Bantulah hamba-Mu ini.

Rainy days

Assalamualaikum and Hi,

To be honest, I want to be remembered as a positive person. I don't want to speak about my sadness and pain to the world.

However, I too am human, I too feel the pain and I hurt too.

It hurts so much like a sword striking into my heart. It feels like my heart gonna burst cus I can't take this pain anymore.

I got sick today because I was too angry and dissapointed. I stayed in bed almost the whole day. I cried in prayers because it's too much for me to digest and these rarely happen. I can't express what I feel because I don't want others to hurt too. I read this quote somewhere in 101 Dalmatians book.

“Your pain and anger will pass, but the guilt would remain with you for always. ”

Thus, it is better for me only to be sad and in pain. These gloomy rainy days will be over soon, beautiful rainbows and bright sun will appear later. I hope I can find strength somewhere in me to be strong and patient.

Thanks to you, who read this and know this girl is in pain. At least someone knows, at least someone understands. Gloomy rainy days will pass soon.

Cheers to better days tomorrow ahead for all of us! 

Questions to ask myself #2

Assalamualaikum and Hi,

Few more deep questions for myself hee. Enjoy!

1. What is your moral compass in making difficult decisions?

My core values (integrity, perserverance and peace).

2. What is one failure that you have turned into your greatest lesson?

As for now, failure to get a job. I'm being rejected in everything I applied and interviewed, but it taught me a lot because I believe every rejection brings me to a closer yes, and it does!

3. What role does gratitude play in your life?

As light when I'm in the dark.

4. How do you feel about your parents?

Cool and amazing (how they even survive raising 7 kids???)

5. How is your relationship with money?

Not good now. But when we are okay, I hope I will not let you go money dearest a.k.a save you in my bank account baby!

6. How do you feel about growing old someday?

I hope I'm still doing fine, happy and healthy. I wished to die because I'm way to old.

7. What role has formal education played in your life and how do you feel about it?

EVERYTHING. Mainly, it taught me to be strong. I feel happy about it and I really miss it.

8. Do you believe your destiny is pre-determined or in your hands to shape however you wish?

Destiny is already determined but God but it is in our hands to work it out according to what we wish. If it doesn't work out, there might be a plot twist but we should do our best first.

9. What do you believe is the meaning of your life?

To live happily and contribute to society.

10. To what extent do you trust people? Explain.

I trust everyone but to play it safe, I put limits to everyone too. 

Till then,

Adlina

Questions to ask myself #1

Assalamulaikum and Hi,

Sometimes I feel like I lost myself and do not know who I am anymore so I think I should do this quite often to always remember what it's like to be me when I'm in the dark.

1. What activity in your life lights you up with joy?

Cooking, spending time family and friends, watching great movies and drama.

2.What is something you always love doing, even when you are tired or rushed? Why?

Definitely cooking because I love food like crazyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. And I will do anything for good food. I love home cooked food so no matter how busy I am, I will try to cook because I love it and it is worth it.

3. If a relationship or job makes you unhappy, do you choose to stay or leave?

It depends on how much unhappy I felt. I will try to make everything right, but if I couldn't, I might leave to let both parties less hurt. And relationship or job is a journey between two parties, if must work in both ways for everyone to be happy.

4. What do you fear about leaving a bad job or a bad relationship?

Insecurities. Lonely. Unstable. Helpless.

5. What have you done in your life that you are most proud of?

I live my life to the fullest the way I wanted it to be and I'm proud of it.

6. What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind?

Positive, strong, smart and kind. I want to be remember for what I've done in health and writing.

7. How does your being here in the universe change humanity for the better?

Even it is just a weak reason, I think it is because I always spread positivity.

8. If you could have one single wish granted, what would it be?

For now, I just want a job I'm happy with. But for a long term, I want to live happily everyday of my life.

9. What is your highest core value?

Integrity.

10. What is your biggest self-limiting belief?

Failures and rejections.

Till then,

Adlina 

First week of 2018

Assalamualaikum and Hi,

A week of 2018 has already passed, we only have 51 weeks left. Let's make a good use of each day given to us.

Anyway, I just want to share my first week of this year. Well, it was quite hectic actually because when on the first day, everybody had to go to school and work except me. So my beautiful sleep was interrupted because my siblings were preparing themselves to school. After everyone was gone, I woke up around 8 or 9, and I did the chores. It was a perfect time because nobody's home and I can do my work peacefully. In the evening, I exercised for about 2 hours. At night, I spend time with my family but because I exercised, I felt extra tired and ended up waking up late the next morning. Basically it was like this for the entire week. I think my body was still adjusting to the new routine.

However, it was really a good start for the year. Usually, every single year, I have a long list of my new year resolution. This year I came with a short list only. Maybe I realized it might be easier to accomplish or to lessen my overthinking issues.

My goals for 2018 are;

• Perform prayer earlier - I am His servant and He's the One who gives me all the blessings in life. If I pray early, I believe everything in my life will be easier. 

• Read the Quran more often - this is my goal every single year. It was easy to read Quran all the time when I was in MRSM. Now it is so hard to read a single page everyday even I have all the time in the world. I aim to read at least 2 pages/day

• Wake up early - I am a morning person, I definitely am. The thing is, it is so hard for me to wake up early and my day will not be productive if I wake up late. This week I wake up early but then I sleep back, so there's go my day. I think I should take bath as soon as I wake up so I will feel so fresh and then start my day. Let's see how it goes for week 2.

• Secure a job - THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY GOALS. I definitely, desperately need a job. I'm now 23, have bills to pay so I need a job. I hope I'll get a job and a job I enjoy working. Aminnnnnnnnnn.

• Become financially stable - As soon as I got a job, let's save some money okayy. I've made a budget list and all but the thing is I don't have any budget yet. Again, pray for me getting a job. Aminnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

• Live healthily - Eat less junk food. Eat the right portion. More veges and fruits. Exercise more. Sleep early for 6 - 8 hours/day.

• Write and read more - After I watched Star Wars: the Last Jedi, I definitely want to be a writer becausee, it's amazing to create and control life of characters in your story. You can do whatever you want, say everything in your heart through these characters. So I really want to do it, step by step. Besides, I want to write more often here and publicize this blog once I have a job.  

I hope everyone will have a wonderful amazing year in 2018. Have a blast!

2017, a year of me time.

Assalamualaikum and Hi,

"2016 has been a meaningful year for me. I haven't achieve a lot of things but I've gained a Science degree, learn the flaws that I have and how to improve them. I also manage to discover what I want.

It's not really a big year for me but I didn't experience major heartbreak, super hard difficulties or any loss. So it's really a good year. Alhamdulillah.

Hopefully 2017 will be better for each one of us"

This is what I wrote about 2016. Surprisingly, all the things in "..major heartbreak, super hard difficulties or any loss." happened to me in 2017. I never had such pain all my life but in 2017. Albeit, I still don't think 2017 was a bad year for me. The only pain I had to go through was in job hunting process. It was so hard, tiring, costly and I ended up getting rejected, not once but 6 times. On some days, I cried, stayed in bed, watched dramas to remove the pain and do whatever I can to not feel hurt again. And then I had to wake up and start the process all over again until now. (p/s: whoever reading this please hope I will get a job soon).

Nevertheless, 2017 was still a good year full of blessings for me. Let's recap for a bit;

January - March

Excited to stay at home. Start doing the house chores.Watched few Kdramas. Attended my first interview and it was so bad. I was rejected. I got my last MARA allowance was in February so sadd. In March I got another 2 interviews and sadly both applications were unsuccessful. I also start a small business and it went quite well but then there's a few issue with the agency so it's a huge failure.

April

HIGHLIGHT OF THE YEAR. My graduation day. It is still the best day ever in my life. Having my family and friends with me on special day in my favourite places are the best thing ever! Attended another 2 interviews and got rejected again.

May

Nothing much happened except my birthday. It was good to celebrate with my family. And Ramadhan began.

June

Got a sudden interview. It went very well. I was one of the finalists. The manager said they will contact me before the year end, but then it never happened :(. Ramadhan at home was the best experience every. I woke up for sahur every day, good for breaking fast, tarawih with family and I read Quran a lot though I didn't managed to finish it. And Eid happened! Like all years before, it was very amazing celebration.

July

The last time I went to KL this year to send my best friend abroad for his studies. I cried in front of everyone, such a crying baby.

August

Nothing much happened this much. I decided to remove some toxic people in my life. I rearranged everything in my room. At this point in life I've watched about 15++ Kdramas. 

September

Celebrated Madihah's birthday at Seoul Garden. I think that's it? Maybe went to Penang to send my grandmother for umrah. I started doing a planner for myself and still using it until now to be more organized.

October

Celebrated Abah's and Mirza's birthday at Seoul Garden. Played laser tag with family for first time and it was the best. Got a sudden SMS to take a test for a position under the goverment. I studied like crazyyy. Started paying back my loan.

November

Sat for the test and passed the exam!!! Next stage is the fitness test in January 2018, hopefully I'll pass in shaa Allah. I discovered Candy Crush Saga and that was my biggest mistake everrr.

December

Went to watched Star Wars: the Last Jedi and it was quite amazing. I reached level 500 in Candy Crush on 31st December. Told yaa it was a huge mistake!! And received news Dr. Khai passed away which really broke my heart. Why good people died so early???

I think 2017 was a gap year for me. Though it was the most heartbreaking year, it was a year for me to rest from my hectic life. I was busy for my entire life in my 21 years of living, especially after I entered MRSM. It was a gap year which closed the gap between me and my family. All this while the only person I cared about was myself. In 2017 I had to think of my family. I spend so much time with them and I really really loved them now, more than ever. God opened my eyes to see goodness in them and learn ways to understand these people. In 2017 too I started to write this blog again. I spend less because I have no more allowance or side income. I cleaned the house, I took over my mother's responsibilities. I never like doing the house work anyway but I did it. I swept and mopped the floor which I hated the most. I had good amazing scrumptious food every single day in 2017, mostly made by my dad. I watched so many Kdramas and learned a lot from them. I started doing another thing I hate the most, running for the physical test in January 2017.

The only bad thing happened to me was being unemployed. It is not fair if I forgot other blessings in my life just because of this one. 2017, a year of me time because I don't have to think about studies or work like I usually do. It was a year for me, to do what I really love, being with people I loved and stepping out of my comfort zone. 2017 was both good and bad year for me. Despite that no matter how much I think about all the "what ifs" question, I believe that everything in 2017, was carved for me to make me ready to enter adult life.

For that, thank you 2017, you have been a good teacher for me :)

p/s: NOW I NEED TO FIND A JOB A.S.A.P!!!