2023: My first difficult January

Assalamualaikum & Hi,

January memories - sadly to say no matter how much i tried to be positive, this month i was sad, angry, & exhausted the most. I already hit max of my stretch limit & positivity bank level depleted (takmau go further, & thinking why I keep signing up for a lot of hard things 😭). It was so hard that I couldn't feel anything at all except during certain times twice - I felt so peaceful on the train when I travelled & when I went to the market with Abah.

Despite that, a lot happy memories happened:

- went to Tulus concert

- went to two nice 4 stars hotel for staycation (Perdana Hotel the besttttt!) with the siblings who came to watch Harimau Malaya

- met big family & Abah's friends since smolll.

- removed my wisdom tooth & still alive!

- balik kampung once despite being so extremely super duper crazy busy.

There's still a lot blessings in my sorrow. Alhamdulillah. I'll try to be better.

Anyway, everyday I was struggling to go out from my misery & hecticness.

What I do was;

- remove all the distractions: IG, FB, Twitter & even LinkedIn. I uninstalled all of them. I kept making it hard for me to access these platforms. Cus when I consumed nothing, my mind will only have nothing to digest so I won't be distracted. But I came back, on certain days like long weekends.

- tracked everything down. Although not as effective as I wanted it to be, it worked.

- no multitasking. I didn't watch Netflix while eating, I didn't listen or read anything when I was commuting, I didn't open Spotify while having shower - I stayed in every moment, making it short & then moved on to other things.

- at some point I could no more contain my worries, miseries & anxieties. I just have to get all them done. So I just did it, & found that doing it layer by layer, one by one helped a lot. Likeee a loootttt.

- being with my family. That motivated me more than I imagined. They always told me not to give up & keep going, so I did.

- listened to Al Quran & its meaning. Life in the world is just temporary, it will end sooner or later. So listening to how I shouldn't worry much about worldly life but also focus on afterlife as well made me less worried.

- Cried. As much as I want. As long as I could. Until I felt better. Until I didn't want to cry anymore. Until I realized crying won't do any good except waking up & finished whatever troubling me.

I survived my longest, toughest, hardest January. Alhamdulillah, the pain of going out from there is undescribable, even worse than heartbreak. Even by just remembering it brought tears to my eyes.

I never thought I'd be this sad for not being able to figure things out on my own. But I never knew I could get out of it too. Pray a lot. Pray that God will let you go through this. I didn't believe I could, but I did. I had so much on my plate & kept filling more, until I didn't have capacity to finish all. But with Allah's grace you can do it. Pray, & make effort comes in combo.

May Allah ease February too 🥰

Till then,

Adlina