Ready to go!

Assalamualaikum and Hi,

Today is the day. The day I will leave home again to start my career (will blog about that soon!). After 1 year++ being at home I'm kinda nervous to be on my own again. I know I will be fine, but it's just now I feel really nervous. I packed so many stuffs but still feel it is not enough. I couldn't sleep well last night and this morning I woke up quite early so let's have some rest on the train.

Keep calm and be strong. You always have Allah by your side.

Pray for me everyone ❤

My bags. Usually I always bring more but this time I tried to bring less stuffs (but still a lot).

Two months as a teacher

Assalamualaikum and Hi,

Alhamdulillah, after one year of being unemployed, I finally got a job as a substitute teacher. Although it is just temporary, I feel so grateful for this opportunity. I know it will help me to grow and learn more in so many ways.

I started working on Sunday 28th January,  after I came back from KL. I woke up at 6.30am and took my bath, ironed my clothes and packed my bag. I went to school with my siblings. We arrived at the school at 7.15am.

Now it has been two months since I've become a teacher, I'm loving this job. I love interacting with students, and when they are able to read or write, it is satisfying to me. I really enjoy seeing that. I never think I will become a teacher, but I did, and I did it quite well. This once in a lifetime experience will definitely be one of the best moments in my life. I will always remember everything I've learned here, as a student and a teacher.

I found hope

Assalamualaikum and Hi,

Yesterday I was rejected for one more time. Of course I was sad, terribly sad, crying all night while applying for other jobs. My morning wasn't great as usual. Then, I went to school and began to teach and everything went fine. I felt so happy when students understood what I'm teaching, when they start to ask questions and when they behave of course. It's like they understand I've gone through hard times.

Just like happiness, hard tough times won't last. Like Vivy said, it's all up in the mind. Yes, it's true. As soon as I walked out of the class, I told myself, this is just another rejection. I've faced it so many times already, one couldn't make me give up that easy. What meant to be will never missed me, and what missed me were never meant for me.

There are so many things to be happy and be grateful for. I've think about it so many times, I even listed it. I am a lucky girl, born with so many priviliges. Maybe not as lucky as others, but still better than some. Whatever I'm facing right now, it's just a little bit of what others are facing. Everyone has their own tough times, but my time is now. If I can go through this, I can survive life. If I give up now, I'm a real loser. 

Why choose to be sad if I can be happy everyday? Why choose to think of everything I don't have when I have many to be thankful for? The choice is in my hands, and now I choose to be positive. Life is bad and unfair and whatever negative we can think of, but we are not. So let's move on and be strong. You can do this girl!

Where is hope?

Assalamualaikum and Hi,

I promise myself not write when I'm sad but I don't know where else to voice my sadness and pain except here.

Life has its ups and downs. I've been ups most of the time, but now life is dragging me down, like really really down. I tried to pick myself up whenever I fall, but I don't have the power to make it better. I'm trying to put back the pieces that left, but currently I can't. Failing so many times cause me so much pain and made me lose a lot of my strength. I'm losing hope. I don't think life will get any better now.

Maybe God is punishing me for all the sins I've done, or He has a better plan for me, but for now, there's nothing I can do except cry.

This moment

Assalamualaikum and Hi,

I haven't write anything for so long. Things are quite hard for me now. I'm in intense pain at the moment. I couldn't voice it out to anyone so I just keep it to myself and cry under my pillow.

Bad times will pass soon.
Tough times too.
Pain too.
Everything will be better, but in this moment, my heart shatters in every possible way.

I just hope I will have more and more strength to go through everything.

May Allah ease.

Trip to KL

Assalamualaikum and Hi,

[I wrote this on 27th January]

Right now I'm currently in the train from KL to Kedah. I just woke up from my sleep, and I think I should write this for me to remember.

I arrived here around 4pm on Wednesday, 24th January after 6 hour journey on the ETS. I met a stranger and had a good chat with the person. Then I went to Husna's place, had dinner together and get some rest.

On the next day, I woke up early and practised for the interview scheduled at 1.30pm. I met Mama's relatives whom I called as Mak Long and went for lunch with her. She brought me to this one sushi place and it was so niceeee!

Then I went to the interview at 1pm. The interview went quite okay but not as good as I imagined. I just hope there's still hope for me. It ended at 5pm and then Mak Long send me to KLCC to see Husna. 

I had a quick early dinner with Husna and then we walked around together. After Maghrib prayers, our friend, Muammar came and we went to this place called GreenHouse. It was quite a nice place to lepak with your friends because it was cozy and exclusive. However, the food is quite pricey and too western. What I meant by too western is like there's no fusion flavours. As Malaysian, if we like chicken chop, it's like street food chicken chop that is a little bit spicy. That's what I meant. Nevertheless, we had a long chat for 3 hours catching up with each other's life.

On the following day, I stayed at Husna's place when she went to work. Then I went to Jalan Tar around 2pm and bought few pieces scarves for me and my friends as a gift from Husna to us. It was raining and I decided to walk in the rain, and I felt happy (I don't know what's wrong with you woman).

After Husna finished working, we went home to pray and pack our stuffs, then off we went to Farhana's place. She picked up us at the nearest LRT station and we went to a restaurant called Sunan Drajat, which is famous for the Ayam Penyet. Nina came and joined us for dinner. Then we went to Farhana's home and cleaned up ourselves before having a catch up session. Fakhira came at 10 and then we played charade game together. At 12 am, Along who came to KL too from Kedah for interview too. We pushed to share with us her story and secrets. Im the end, all of us slept at 2am.

We all woke up around 7.30am, and had Nasi Lemak for breakfast. Then we continued chatting again. At 8.30am, Nina went to UIA Gombak to register her sister for degree there. Farhana went to Krabi at 10.30pm. We ate some food and slept for a while. Along checked her email and the interview she went last time was successful! Alhamdulillah for Along.

At 2.30pm, Nina picked up us and we went to Melawati Mall. We had lunch at the food court and Fakhira treated us for desserts. We rushed to the LRT station at 4.50pm because afraid I will miss my train. Before we departed, we hugged and thanking each other for the short quality time spend together. I almost cried because well I'm such a drama girl. I hope we will meet again and always stay in this friendship forever. Husna and me took the LRT and alhamdulillah I managed to arrive at KL Central before 6.15pm. I fell as asleep as soon I take a seat on the train. Now I'm writing this after I woke up.

This trip to KL is such a precious memory to me. I came here for the interview, although my heart was a little broken about what happened in the interview, I learn a lot of new things there, how to improve myself more and all. I really want that job because I know it suits me, but Allah knows best. If it meant to be for me it will be, but if it's not, then I have to let it go and do it better in the next opportunities.

I met my friends and relatives and spend time with them. I realized I had small circle of friends, but they were very precious to me. We are not too attached like Whatsapping each other everyday or anything, but when we meet, we are not awkard with each other and it always felt like uni days. I really love this kind of friendship. I hope our friendship will last forever, and we always have each other during important days of our lives in shaa Allah.

I don't know if my friends will read this but whenever you all find this blog someday, I want you all to know that you have bring joy and happiness to someone's life and you feel the same too. Thank you, gems ❤

P/s: to everyone who read this, please pray for Adlina Maisarah to get this job I really want, in shaa Allah. Aminnn.

Update: I didn't get the job, but I still have another chance for another job.

Kekuatan

Dalam setiap sujudku,
Aku mohon pada Tuhan,
Berikanlah aku kesabaran,
Berikanlah aku kekuatan,
Untuk aku sentiasa mampu bertahan.

Aku tahu hidup ini penuh cabaran,
Dan aku tahu hanya Engkau yang mampu memberiku kesenangan,
Permudahkanlah dan jangan dipersulitkan.

Bantu aku Tuhan,
Bantulah hamba-Mu ini.

Rainy days

Assalamualaikum and Hi,

To be honest, I want to be remembered as a positive person. I don't want to speak about my sadness and pain to the world.

However, I too am human, I too feel the pain and I hurt too.

It hurts so much like a sword striking into my heart. It feels like my heart gonna burst cus I can't take this pain anymore.

I got sick today because I was too angry and dissapointed. I stayed in bed almost the whole day. I cried in prayers because it's too much for me to digest and these rarely happen. I can't express what I feel because I don't want others to hurt too. I read this quote somewhere in 101 Dalmatians book.

“Your pain and anger will pass, but the guilt would remain with you for always. ”

Thus, it is better for me only to be sad and in pain. These gloomy rainy days will be over soon, beautiful rainbows and bright sun will appear later. I hope I can find strength somewhere in me to be strong and patient.

Thanks to you, who read this and know this girl is in pain. At least someone knows, at least someone understands. Gloomy rainy days will pass soon.

Cheers to better days tomorrow ahead for all of us! 

Questions to ask myself #2

Assalamualaikum and Hi,

Few more deep questions for myself hee. Enjoy!

1. What is your moral compass in making difficult decisions?

My core values (integrity, perserverance and peace).

2. What is one failure that you have turned into your greatest lesson?

As for now, failure to get a job. I'm being rejected in everything I applied and interviewed, but it taught me a lot because I believe every rejection brings me to a closer yes, and it does!

3. What role does gratitude play in your life?

As light when I'm in the dark.

4. How do you feel about your parents?

Cool and amazing (how they even survive raising 7 kids???)

5. How is your relationship with money?

Not good now. But when we are okay, I hope I will not let you go money dearest a.k.a save you in my bank account baby!

6. How do you feel about growing old someday?

I hope I'm still doing fine, happy and healthy. I wished to die because I'm way to old.

7. What role has formal education played in your life and how do you feel about it?

EVERYTHING. Mainly, it taught me to be strong. I feel happy about it and I really miss it.

8. Do you believe your destiny is pre-determined or in your hands to shape however you wish?

Destiny is already determined but God but it is in our hands to work it out according to what we wish. If it doesn't work out, there might be a plot twist but we should do our best first.

9. What do you believe is the meaning of your life?

To live happily and contribute to society.

10. To what extent do you trust people? Explain.

I trust everyone but to play it safe, I put limits to everyone too. 

Till then,

Adlina

Questions to ask myself #1

Assalamulaikum and Hi,

Sometimes I feel like I lost myself and do not know who I am anymore so I think I should do this quite often to always remember what it's like to be me when I'm in the dark.

1. What activity in your life lights you up with joy?

Cooking, spending time family and friends, watching great movies and drama.

2.What is something you always love doing, even when you are tired or rushed? Why?

Definitely cooking because I love food like crazyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. And I will do anything for good food. I love home cooked food so no matter how busy I am, I will try to cook because I love it and it is worth it.

3. If a relationship or job makes you unhappy, do you choose to stay or leave?

It depends on how much unhappy I felt. I will try to make everything right, but if I couldn't, I might leave to let both parties less hurt. And relationship or job is a journey between two parties, if must work in both ways for everyone to be happy.

4. What do you fear about leaving a bad job or a bad relationship?

Insecurities. Lonely. Unstable. Helpless.

5. What have you done in your life that you are most proud of?

I live my life to the fullest the way I wanted it to be and I'm proud of it.

6. What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind?

Positive, strong, smart and kind. I want to be remember for what I've done in health and writing.

7. How does your being here in the universe change humanity for the better?

Even it is just a weak reason, I think it is because I always spread positivity.

8. If you could have one single wish granted, what would it be?

For now, I just want a job I'm happy with. But for a long term, I want to live happily everyday of my life.

9. What is your highest core value?

Integrity.

10. What is your biggest self-limiting belief?

Failures and rejections.

Till then,

Adlina 

First week of 2018

Assalamualaikum and Hi,

A week of 2018 has already passed, we only have 51 weeks left. Let's make a good use of each day given to us.

Anyway, I just want to share my first week of this year. Well, it was quite hectic actually because when on the first day, everybody had to go to school and work except me. So my beautiful sleep was interrupted because my siblings were preparing themselves to school. After everyone was gone, I woke up around 8 or 9, and I did the chores. It was a perfect time because nobody's home and I can do my work peacefully. In the evening, I exercised for about 2 hours. At night, I spend time with my family but because I exercised, I felt extra tired and ended up waking up late the next morning. Basically it was like this for the entire week. I think my body was still adjusting to the new routine.

However, it was really a good start for the year. Usually, every single year, I have a long list of my new year resolution. This year I came with a short list only. Maybe I realized it might be easier to accomplish or to lessen my overthinking issues.

My goals for 2018 are;

• Perform prayer earlier - I am His servant and He's the One who gives me all the blessings in life. If I pray early, I believe everything in my life will be easier. 

• Read the Quran more often - this is my goal every single year. It was easy to read Quran all the time when I was in MRSM. Now it is so hard to read a single page everyday even I have all the time in the world. I aim to read at least 2 pages/day

• Wake up early - I am a morning person, I definitely am. The thing is, it is so hard for me to wake up early and my day will not be productive if I wake up late. This week I wake up early but then I sleep back, so there's go my day. I think I should take bath as soon as I wake up so I will feel so fresh and then start my day. Let's see how it goes for week 2.

• Secure a job - THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY GOALS. I definitely, desperately need a job. I'm now 23, have bills to pay so I need a job. I hope I'll get a job and a job I enjoy working. Aminnnnnnnnnn.

• Become financially stable - As soon as I got a job, let's save some money okayy. I've made a budget list and all but the thing is I don't have any budget yet. Again, pray for me getting a job. Aminnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

• Live healthily - Eat less junk food. Eat the right portion. More veges and fruits. Exercise more. Sleep early for 6 - 8 hours/day.

• Write and read more - After I watched Star Wars: the Last Jedi, I definitely want to be a writer becausee, it's amazing to create and control life of characters in your story. You can do whatever you want, say everything in your heart through these characters. So I really want to do it, step by step. Besides, I want to write more often here and publicize this blog once I have a job.  

I hope everyone will have a wonderful amazing year in 2018. Have a blast!

2017, a year of me time.

Assalamualaikum and Hi,

"2016 has been a meaningful year for me. I haven't achieve a lot of things but I've gained a Science degree, learn the flaws that I have and how to improve them. I also manage to discover what I want.

It's not really a big year for me but I didn't experience major heartbreak, super hard difficulties or any loss. So it's really a good year. Alhamdulillah.

Hopefully 2017 will be better for each one of us"

This is what I wrote about 2016. Surprisingly, all the things in "..major heartbreak, super hard difficulties or any loss." happened to me in 2017. I never had such pain all my life but in 2017. Albeit, I still don't think 2017 was a bad year for me. The only pain I had to go through was in job hunting process. It was so hard, tiring, costly and I ended up getting rejected, not once but 6 times. On some days, I cried, stayed in bed, watched dramas to remove the pain and do whatever I can to not feel hurt again. And then I had to wake up and start the process all over again until now. (p/s: whoever reading this please hope I will get a job soon).

Nevertheless, 2017 was still a good year full of blessings for me. Let's recap for a bit;

January - March

Excited to stay at home. Start doing the house chores.Watched few Kdramas. Attended my first interview and it was so bad. I was rejected. I got my last MARA allowance was in February so sadd. In March I got another 2 interviews and sadly both applications were unsuccessful. I also start a small business and it went quite well but then there's a few issue with the agency so it's a huge failure.

April

HIGHLIGHT OF THE YEAR. My graduation day. It is still the best day ever in my life. Having my family and friends with me on special day in my favourite places are the best thing ever! Attended another 2 interviews and got rejected again.

May

Nothing much happened except my birthday. It was good to celebrate with my family. And Ramadhan began.

June

Got a sudden interview. It went very well. I was one of the finalists. The manager said they will contact me before the year end, but then it never happened :(. Ramadhan at home was the best experience every. I woke up for sahur every day, good for breaking fast, tarawih with family and I read Quran a lot though I didn't managed to finish it. And Eid happened! Like all years before, it was very amazing celebration.

July

The last time I went to KL this year to send my best friend abroad for his studies. I cried in front of everyone, such a crying baby.

August

Nothing much happened this much. I decided to remove some toxic people in my life. I rearranged everything in my room. At this point in life I've watched about 15++ Kdramas. 

September

Celebrated Madihah's birthday at Seoul Garden. I think that's it? Maybe went to Penang to send my grandmother for umrah. I started doing a planner for myself and still using it until now to be more organized.

October

Celebrated Abah's and Mirza's birthday at Seoul Garden. Played laser tag with family for first time and it was the best. Got a sudden SMS to take a test for a position under the goverment. I studied like crazyyy. Started paying back my loan.

November

Sat for the test and passed the exam!!! Next stage is the fitness test in January 2018, hopefully I'll pass in shaa Allah. I discovered Candy Crush Saga and that was my biggest mistake everrr.

December

Went to watched Star Wars: the Last Jedi and it was quite amazing. I reached level 500 in Candy Crush on 31st December. Told yaa it was a huge mistake!! And received news Dr. Khai passed away which really broke my heart. Why good people died so early???

I think 2017 was a gap year for me. Though it was the most heartbreaking year, it was a year for me to rest from my hectic life. I was busy for my entire life in my 21 years of living, especially after I entered MRSM. It was a gap year which closed the gap between me and my family. All this while the only person I cared about was myself. In 2017 I had to think of my family. I spend so much time with them and I really really loved them now, more than ever. God opened my eyes to see goodness in them and learn ways to understand these people. In 2017 too I started to write this blog again. I spend less because I have no more allowance or side income. I cleaned the house, I took over my mother's responsibilities. I never like doing the house work anyway but I did it. I swept and mopped the floor which I hated the most. I had good amazing scrumptious food every single day in 2017, mostly made by my dad. I watched so many Kdramas and learned a lot from them. I started doing another thing I hate the most, running for the physical test in January 2017.

The only bad thing happened to me was being unemployed. It is not fair if I forgot other blessings in my life just because of this one. 2017, a year of me time because I don't have to think about studies or work like I usually do. It was a year for me, to do what I really love, being with people I loved and stepping out of my comfort zone. 2017 was both good and bad year for me. Despite that no matter how much I think about all the "what ifs" question, I believe that everything in 2017, was carved for me to make me ready to enter adult life.

For that, thank you 2017, you have been a good teacher for me :)

p/s: NOW I NEED TO FIND A JOB A.S.A.P!!!