Open your heart

Assalamualaikum & Hi!

As a person who have a lot in mind, went through overthinking phase & always multitasking, it's actually hard for me to actually to finish what I should be doing.

For the past few months, I have so so much on my plate, & to actually divide my focus was so so hard. I went through very hard time to actually sort things out.

Nevertheless, there were few things I've tried & worked so well.

1) Focus on one things at a time & remove distractions

I tend to multitask because I wanted to finish everything all at once, but I ended up only partially completed everything. So I made a timeline, "I should do this for 1 hour, & then do another task for an hour". I even went to the extend where I didn't watch any Netflix show while eating, or listening to songs while commuting. As a person who's always on all social media platform, I uninstalled everything & only went back on weekends for short time only. Of course I have social media's withdrawal symptoms, but that got better as time went by too.

I don't know how it works, but I can focus to finish my to do list in the amount of time I needed.

2) Open your heart

This one was a mind game. After I successfully settled number 1, I wanted to enhanced my focus, because as a person with always want to multitask, my mind always think about other things while doing something.

There's one time while studying, I said to myself, "Open your heart, you need to do this". Then it worked! I remembered by heart of what I was reading. So I experimented on other situations as well, like in doing sales. "Just open your heart, talk about this to the doctors" & it went smoothly. I am still trying in other situations but so far all of it works. But everytime I was focusing on something I said, "Clear your mind, open your heart".

The mind game is real. & of course need to add number 3) Endless prayers - from yourself & everybody. I've read somewhere we need to have faith that our prayers will be answered, & despite knowing a lot of things are impossible, I'm training myself to completely trust my prayers will be 100% answered, in shaa Allah. With Ramadan coming soon, let's pray a lot more. 

It's not getting easier, but I'm being more efficient, slowlyy but surely. In January I was definitely super miserable but by March a lot of things seems to be much better.

Till then,

Adlina.

Another grateful post

Assalamualaikum & Hi,

[Saw this on my note, I think I wanna keep it here]

23:25, Mon 27 Feb 2023

For the past few days, I had experienced a lot of things that made me realized I have more than I wanted, better than what I expected.

Like last week, I went to the annual dinner of the company I worked at. I had few deep conversations, which showed me that if I went through the paths I planned for, it definitely will end up much worst. Allah made it easy for me to go there & went home safely. Despite being brave, I did feel scared to go everywhere on my own.

Today, I was clueless about a lot of things at work, but Allah send me people to help me understand better. After working hours, my sister, brother in law & their little cute baby came. We had dinner at a nice restaurant with good food & affordable price. & we were led to the mosque. The baby behaved, I could read the Quran & we stayed from Maghrib till Isyak. It was nice having quality time within 3 hours. Then they sent me home. I had this thought while I was in shower.

I was blessed beyond measure. Life didn't turned out the way I expected it to be, but better in ways I never imagined. Of course I had dreams I wished to come true, but Allah always knows best.

I still remember days when I was rebellious, questioning Allah on a lot of things, kept wanting Him to give what I wanted. Instead of asking, I was more like forcing Him. & without knowing, I was being someone I never wanted to be. Then, one by one of my blessings were pulled away, especially the peace in my heart.

I was fortunate I had the chance to fix things & return back to Him. & life has been a lot better since then.

Last week when I called my mom, we had a lengthy conversation about life & she said, "Someday you'll know why things happened the way they did. One day when you're older you'll say, 'Ah, that's why Allah has planned my life the way it is, right now'". With everything I had went through, I already have a lot of 'Ah, that's why!'.

There were still days, when there'll problems arised, & my heart just felt I couldn't take anymore. But what He puts me through, was everything I could deal with.

Therefore, I am grateful. & thus, this is enough.

I'll always pray Allah will give me, whatever He thinks best for me. I can set the bar & my own decisions, but ultimately it's up to him. May Allah ease.

Step by step

Assalamualaikum & Hi,

Today I came through the statement from one of my favourite authors, Mr James Clear;

I've been on some highs & lows, but mostly being stagnant. Also was trying to figure out a lot of things. & trying to minimize planning to focus more on just doing it, taking step by step, one at a time.

The perfect day came when you least expect it to happen, & from the continuous efforts you've put through high & low. & it was today for me. Some things I've been pushing through just happened work out now,  & I've got answers to many uncertainties.

So people, baby steps, take that slowly & increase the pace over time.

Ps: add in a lot of prayers tooooo, it magically gave me so so much peace to my heart.

Till then,

Adlina.

2023: My first difficult January

Assalamualaikum & Hi,

January memories - sadly to say no matter how much i tried to be positive, this month i was sad, angry, & exhausted the most. I already hit max of my stretch limit & positivity bank level depleted (takmau go further, & thinking why I keep signing up for a lot of hard things 😭). It was so hard that I couldn't feel anything at all except during certain times twice - I felt so peaceful on the train when I travelled & when I went to the market with Abah.

Despite that, a lot happy memories happened:

- went to Tulus concert

- went to two nice 4 stars hotel for staycation (Perdana Hotel the besttttt!) with the siblings who came to watch Harimau Malaya

- met big family & Abah's friends since smolll.

- removed my wisdom tooth & still alive!

- balik kampung once despite being so extremely super duper crazy busy.

There's still a lot blessings in my sorrow. Alhamdulillah. I'll try to be better.

Anyway, everyday I was struggling to go out from my misery & hecticness.

What I do was;

- remove all the distractions: IG, FB, Twitter & even LinkedIn. I uninstalled all of them. I kept making it hard for me to access these platforms. Cus when I consumed nothing, my mind will only have nothing to digest so I won't be distracted. But I came back, on certain days like long weekends.

- tracked everything down. Although not as effective as I wanted it to be, it worked.

- no multitasking. I didn't watch Netflix while eating, I didn't listen or read anything when I was commuting, I didn't open Spotify while having shower - I stayed in every moment, making it short & then moved on to other things.

- at some point I could no more contain my worries, miseries & anxieties. I just have to get all them done. So I just did it, & found that doing it layer by layer, one by one helped a lot. Likeee a loootttt.

- being with my family. That motivated me more than I imagined. They always told me not to give up & keep going, so I did.

- listened to Al Quran & its meaning. Life in the world is just temporary, it will end sooner or later. So listening to how I shouldn't worry much about worldly life but also focus on afterlife as well made me less worried.

- Cried. As much as I want. As long as I could. Until I felt better. Until I didn't want to cry anymore. Until I realized crying won't do any good except waking up & finished whatever troubling me.

I survived my longest, toughest, hardest January. Alhamdulillah, the pain of going out from there is undescribable, even worse than heartbreak. Even by just remembering it brought tears to my eyes.

I never thought I'd be this sad for not being able to figure things out on my own. But I never knew I could get out of it too. Pray a lot. Pray that God will let you go through this. I didn't believe I could, but I did. I had so much on my plate & kept filling more, until I didn't have capacity to finish all. But with Allah's grace you can do it. Pray, & make effort comes in combo.

May Allah ease February too 🥰

Till then,

Adlina

2022 - A year of fulfilling dreams 😊

Assalamualaikum & Hi,

2022 in summary;

- in career, everything was great! - but can't stay at comfortable so there were times I was mentally & physically drained.

- in relationship - got additional 2 new family & love all them even more! Was surrounded mostly by positive people. Some people broke my heart this year - & the worst one was I got deceived which made me realized how manipulative a person can be. Also I still haven't find the one yet.

- tried to reduce my unnecessary spendings by only buying things I need.

- bought a car, langgar tiang & gave the car to my family for now cus I was not used to being focus while driving.

- the best thing I did this year was doing lasik surgery - HD vision!

- travelled almost every weekend, mostly balik Kedah - took flight once & still hating it after Covid days.

- still into reading & writing but not yet seriously consistent into it.

- my favourite month was Ramadan & fall in love with many mosques this year.

- tried to understand the Quran more & was lead to #myqurantime.

- put on weight quite a lot this year cus can't avoid the eating part & lazy to exercise. I started to exercise end of Nov. Although I'm a little heavier, it's because I'm happierr

Endless busyness the whole year.

Quarter 1: Went to NSM in Melaka, Tuwa got married, went for holiday with the fam & to Baling for Husna's engagement! Got scammed which almost broke me apart but I'm not that foolish girl anymore & got Covid later on.

Q2: went to Grand Hyatt, had the best Ramadan ever with a lot of mosque hopping, celebrated Aidilfitri in Kedah & Penang, received my car earlier & finally driving but I langgar tiang on the 6th day. & got so draineeddd at work in June when new things were implemented almost got sick.

Q3: celebrated Aidiladha, went to NSM in Ipoh, Husna got married! & I travelled the most this quarter. Also got lasik surgery too. & finally adapting to the new adjustment in work

Q4: sales were terrible in October, went to OT first time, Tuwa gave birth, got sponsorship to further study, bought a little of the company shares

Lessons throughout the year;

- learning & improvising in all areas in life

- still passionate & lucky to be in this line of work

- spend a lot of time & have a lot of adventures with my loved ones

- ticking of most of my wishlist & goals in life

- haven't found the one, so I learn to be the one first

2022 was mostly about hustling between work, spending more time with loved ones, travelling & fulfilling my dreams. I pushed myself to the max beyond what I thought could do. It was a great journey & I was the happiest, but along the way; I lost track of time, felt so tired & unhealthy (despite sleeping at 9pm everyday!), lost focus, few times being anxious & overthinking. 

Thus for 2023, as I grow further in life & going for my dreams, I want to focus more on taking care of myself especially in managing my time, health, financial & spiritual.

Because if one wants to change anything, it should start with herself first (& it's something I always always struggle with).

May 2023 will be a great year in all aspects again - 120% above all the way! Allah has given me so much in life till I felt so guilty to ask for more or not being grateful enough. I hope Allah will keep the blessings I have & grant my major wishes I've been praying for a long long time. To a better year in shaa Allah. Happy new year everyone 🎉

Till then,

Adlina

2022: December, a race towards the end

Assalamualaikum & Hi,

I started December with finishing 5 seasons of Ghost Whisperer, it was really a great show! I went for groceries shopping & prep my meal, for days when don't feel like buying or cooking but want to eat at home. It usually lasted for quite some time.

On first weekend, I went to Penang because I wanted to go to my high school friend's wedding. I visited my mom's family too & spent some time with my grandmother. Then, I went to Ipoh & Sungkai with my brother because he had wedding to attend too. It's a great time spending time only with my brother. Never thought I'd do that. I went back to Kedah for a while to see my niece.

This month also I started to buy my company shares, with hope it will grow aminnnn. I was busy calculating the tax things & looking for all the receipts of everything I bought. I calculated my spendings this year because I wanted to see my money went. It was as expected but certain things really surprised me! So I bought a budget planner for 2023 because I wanted to track where I actually spent my money before it went away & cut unnecessary things.

Had lunch dates with the team & the Gen Z gang before closing. I was scolded by my boss as well for wanting to go more when I should put a stop to my work - that made me cried lol. Watched Enola Holmes 1 & 2 - why nobody told me it was sooo amazingly goood?!

During the holiday breaks, my family & I went to celebrate Tuwa's birthday & had great lunch at Grand Canyon. My teeth decided to make me suffered in pain again, so I went to government clinic but I really need to remove this teeth so I booked an appointment with my favourite beautiful doctor because I couldn't say no to her.

Then I went to Penang with the whole family. We ate dinner at Padang Brown, had the best soy milk ever! 

Of course after that, I have to go back to KL again to start hustle as usual. Really thankful for December ❤️

Till then,

Adlina.

2022: November, reorganizing life

Assalamualaikum & Hi,

Everything was happening so fast these days, & it took so long for me to write but I really want to keep my memories here.

November memories:

- finally decided to further my studies (after 6 years!)

- OT at production for experience, it wasn't easy but after that I never argue with my boss about work anymore #sayainsaf 😆

- went to govt dental clinic for the first time on my own & impressed with the services.

- downgrade from postpaid to prepaid after 6 years

- ate at canteen with Telesales team most days when WFO

- got scolded by my doctor for not wearing sunglasses

- spend 3 weekends going back & forth from Bangi-Changlun like it's 20 minutes away (but it's 8 hours 😮‍💨)

- manage to reorganizing my life but forgot a lot of important things as well

- became an Aunty Kakak when my sister gave birth to a really beautiful babyyy

- attended Mirza's graduation day!

- my best friend who went through a lot got married!

- I bought telekung Siti Khadijah for my mother & grandmother

- ate steamboat at home, celebrated October & November babies' birthday

- bought a microwave for my father! & we got huge discount because I redeemed my credit card points & there's sale

Alsoooo there's #GE14 vs #GE15!

Looking back 4 years flew to fast & a lot of things happened.
I've been in 4 cities - Klang, Kelana Jaya, & Bangi (also Changlun in between)
Starting from young fresh graduate struggling to start working life on her own feet to a young professional who's started to grow & learning in life.
From then till now, I still have to struggle & work hard. But 4 years definitely make a very very huge differences for me, as a person, definitely more to the country. Who knows what the next 4 years can be?

PH won for & Anwar Ibrahim made it to become PM after 20 years! He's so consistent. I just hope Malaysia to be a better place. Whoever won, I still need to work hard anyway.

This month, I sorted things out & still adjusting my routine. I practiced waking up early & sleeping on time because I need to study as well, but of course it took time to adjust to that. Things get better because I was not as busy as I used to & I already adapted to my schedules.

A quote to remember shared by my boss, "You will have challenges, but the ownership is yours"

May December will have the best ending!

Ps: still a later post hehe

Till then,

Adlina

2022: October, time to slow down

Assalamualaikum & Hi,

It's already the end of October, which also flew pretty fast for me but a lot of things started to slow down for me. 4 weeks just ended in an instant for me.

Week 1:
After the lasik surgery, I went back to Kedah with Mama & Mahirah because I got 1 week medical leave. On the third day, my eyes stopped flowing with tears, so on the fourth day I started working again since it's the beginning of the month but I did it at a slower pace.
On Thursday night, I went back to KL because I have appointment with my doctor. I arrived at Hentian Duta at 6am thus I randomly decided to go to Masjid Wilayah.
It was the best decision I've made because I felt so calm being there; prayed Subuh with the Imam, then I read Al Quran until 8am. Thank you Allah for bringing me here.
Then I went to see the doctor for eye checkup. It was for a short while only & around 10am I was already done. To kill time, I went back the nearest mall because Mama wanted some fruits from there. I took bus to go back to Kedah at 12pm.
Once I arrived home, we celebrated October babies' birthdays - we ate Baskin Robbin cake for the first time!
I spend the rest of the weekend with my family; going out for breakfast & went to kenduri together.

Week 2:
I went to training of corporate culture & it was nice because it taught us different kind of ways to think. I also did groceries shopping, & ready a chapter of the book I needed to present the following week. I spend the weekend resting at home

Week 3:
I had my presentation, which was scary haha but it turned out to be a great discussion session. I love amazing sessions like this! We also had Isaac's farewell, everyone was so sad to let him go but he's going for better things so we're so happy for him. Then I went back to Kedah. I attended so many kenduri that weekend until my blood smelled like air sirap 😆

Week 4:
I went to the mall with my family during Deepavali - we ate sushii, shopping & played bowling together for the first time ever! On the way back we bought "burger bakaq" which was so good & instead of using coal, they used coconut coir. I continued WFH for the rest of the week trying to push through my sales, but they were certain things I couldn't hit because many things were out of stock. I started reading a book too, & then I went back to KL to start a new month.

Things were moving pretty fast, & I travelled a lot in October.  Before going into November, I wished to clean up & reorganize everything in my life before going into 2023 in two months. We can do this girl, everything starts, NOW!

Ps: I've been keeping this in my draft for quite some time sorryyyy

Till then,
Adlina

Grieving will make it go away

Assalamualaikum & Hi,

Today it was raining & I came across a song "The One that Got Away" which I've put in my Brokenhearted playlist on Spotify.

The weather & the song kind of reminds me of old pain. The one I already get rid of, but it will always made remember how far I went through when it came to my mind.

The day my heart was terribly broken, was on Tuesday, 29th September, exactly during my lunch break. When I got the news, I tried to hold my tears, but I just couldn't. I was talking through the phone with my client while tears flowing down my cheeks.

The pain felt like, it wasn't exactly pain, but more to dissapointment, because someone I really trust, love, been through ups & downs left me just like that - like I was so meaningless in his life & how a person can change in a blink of an eye. Until now I still didn't understand how & why it happened because I really didn't get a proper closure as I was left hanging in the dark.

When I reached home, I cried & keep crying until I felll asleep.

I am a person who will share happy stories only with my loved ones. All the painful things I will usually keep it on my own. But this kind of pain was something I couldn't keep. I didn't explode or get mad but I thought if I kept in on my own I'd be crazy. So I told my mom, & she's shocked too but she calmed me down. I kept telling how I felt to her, & although she definitely didn't understand, she listened. & then I slowly gradually told my family & best friends.

I want to share about my grieving process. I cried, I felt lost, I was on my own in the dark processing everything, I lost my appetite, & I lose weight. I think that's around 2 months.

After that I tried to stop the grieving, by forgetting, throwing away & not seeing anything related to my pain but each time I fell back into grieving again. At one point I just get along with my sorrrow, following whatever I felt, until I realized how stupid I was - wasting years with this person, & then another year of being sad while the another person lived happily, which I wouldn't interrupt, so why am I living like this?

Starting that day onwards, I never entertained my sadness again. I embraced all my dissapointments, but I never let it engulfed me until it affected me & stopped me from living happily, like really happy.

I have been growing so so much after I stopped grieving. There were days I wondered, what if I just move on without grieving? I never got the answers, but deep in my heart, I knew I will explode along the way if I didn't properly acknowledge my sorrow. So when the second time my heart was broken, it didn't hurt as much as the first one. & I left as soon I realized it's not worth it to be lied to. But I did grieved for a while before I moved on. 

While writing this, I realized, grieving is actually my closure. Although I once listened to "The One that Got Away" 50 times per day, I eventually moved on & stopped listening to the song.

Like rainbow coming after the rain, life too will be colourful & bloom beautifully when you stop grieving 🌷🌈

You will become a completely different person than before, you will love yourself more than ever, & you will realize your worth so you never settle for less anymore.

So today, just grief as much as you want, cry as much as you want, be sad as long as you want, but promise me one day, you will stop feeling that way, because you deserve so much than this pain.

The roadd is soo wide & long for you to treasure & the pain is not the end. It's just the end of a road for you to move to a better place. You will make it through, trust me, because I did ❤️

Till then,

Adlina

Love can always grow

Assalamualaikum & Hi,

Although I'm bubbly, I'm the type of person who likes to be alone on my own. Back when I was younger I rarely told my family how I felt & just figure things out on my own. & I also not very good in keeping in touch with my big family. Only after I started working, I kind of change a lot (like really a lot) in terms of that.

When I was doing my internship, I stayed with my grandmother. That was when I get closer to her & started to love her even more. She cooked a lot of nice food for me. We went to the market together & she taught me about types of fishes because she liked to eat fishes. Her signature dish was Spicy Bolognese pasta, IT WAS SO GOOD! I asked her for the recipe & she gave it to me, it was super easy yet so flavourful.

Last night, I was craving for lasagna. So I decided to make one on my own, by adding a little twist to my grandma's recipe, using lasagna sheet instead of spaghetti & making the cheese sauce. It was so gooooooood it tasted exactly like hers! I told my mother I felt so grateful that I learned that recipe, because one day if she's gone, it will make me always remember her through the recipe.

Back then, which was years ago in my teenage years, I was kind of afraid to love & care for others, because I was scared of being hurt - like whatever I gave to people won't be reciprocated the same way. But I learned from the best, my Mama - that loving even when it's not returned the same way or if you got hurt, is much much better than regretting not doing so.

Even when you think it's too late to share your love with your family or someone you care, it's never late to start, because love can always grow. Now that I already opened my heart to give my love to my grandmother, I started to understand her as a person, & I can never undo loving her. It's easier to love when you let your heart to understand that person.

& so that's what came to my mind, while making lasagna. May Allah bless my grandma, & all of us.

Ps: when I said love it means love as in general love not the lovey dovey oozy doozy love.

Till then,

Adlina