2022: December, a race towards the end

Assalamualaikum & Hi,

I started December with finishing 5 seasons of Ghost Whisperer, it was really a great show! I went for groceries shopping & prep my meal, for days when don't feel like buying or cooking but want to eat at home. It usually lasted for quite some time.

On first weekend, I went to Penang because I wanted to go to my high school friend's wedding. I visited my mom's family too & spent some time with my grandmother. Then, I went to Ipoh & Sungkai with my brother because he had wedding to attend too. It's a great time spending time only with my brother. Never thought I'd do that. I went back to Kedah for a while to see my niece.

This month also I started to buy my company shares, with hope it will grow aminnnn. I was busy calculating the tax things & looking for all the receipts of everything I bought. I calculated my spendings this year because I wanted to see my money went. It was as expected but certain things really surprised me! So I bought a budget planner for 2023 because I wanted to track where I actually spent my money before it went away & cut unnecessary things.

Had lunch dates with the team & the Gen Z gang before closing. I was scolded by my boss as well for wanting to go more when I should put a stop to my work - that made me cried lol. Watched Enola Holmes 1 & 2 - why nobody told me it was sooo amazingly goood?!

During the holiday breaks, my family & I went to celebrate Tuwa's birthday & had great lunch at Grand Canyon. My teeth decided to make me suffered in pain again, so I went to government clinic but I really need to remove this teeth so I booked an appointment with my favourite beautiful doctor because I couldn't say no to her.

Then I went to Penang with the whole family. We ate dinner at Padang Brown, had the best soy milk ever! 

Of course after that, I have to go back to KL again to start hustle as usual. Really thankful for December ❤️

Till then,

Adlina.

2022: November, reorganizing life

Assalamualaikum & Hi,

Everything was happening so fast these days, & it took so long for me to write but I really want to keep my memories here.

November memories:

- finally decided to further my studies (after 6 years!)

- OT at production for experience, it wasn't easy but after that I never argue with my boss about work anymore #sayainsaf 😆

- went to govt dental clinic for the first time on my own & impressed with the services.

- downgrade from postpaid to prepaid after 6 years

- ate at canteen with Telesales team most days when WFO

- got scolded by my doctor for not wearing sunglasses

- spend 3 weekends going back & forth from Bangi-Changlun like it's 20 minutes away (but it's 8 hours 😮‍💨)

- manage to reorganizing my life but forgot a lot of important things as well

- became an Aunty Kakak when my sister gave birth to a really beautiful babyyy

- attended Mirza's graduation day!

- my best friend who went through a lot got married!

- I bought telekung Siti Khadijah for my mother & grandmother

- ate steamboat at home, celebrated October & November babies' birthday

- bought a microwave for my father! & we got huge discount because I redeemed my credit card points & there's sale

Alsoooo there's #GE14 vs #GE15!

Looking back 4 years flew to fast & a lot of things happened.
I've been in 4 cities - Klang, Kelana Jaya, & Bangi (also Changlun in between)
Starting from young fresh graduate struggling to start working life on her own feet to a young professional who's started to grow & learning in life.
From then till now, I still have to struggle & work hard. But 4 years definitely make a very very huge differences for me, as a person, definitely more to the country. Who knows what the next 4 years can be?

PH won for & Anwar Ibrahim made it to become PM after 20 years! He's so consistent. I just hope Malaysia to be a better place. Whoever won, I still need to work hard anyway.

This month, I sorted things out & still adjusting my routine. I practiced waking up early & sleeping on time because I need to study as well, but of course it took time to adjust to that. Things get better because I was not as busy as I used to & I already adapted to my schedules.

A quote to remember shared by my boss, "You will have challenges, but the ownership is yours"

May December will have the best ending!

Ps: still a later post hehe

Till then,

Adlina

2022: October, time to slow down

Assalamualaikum & Hi,

It's already the end of October, which also flew pretty fast for me but a lot of things started to slow down for me. 4 weeks just ended in an instant for me.

Week 1:
After the lasik surgery, I went back to Kedah with Mama & Mahirah because I got 1 week medical leave. On the third day, my eyes stopped flowing with tears, so on the fourth day I started working again since it's the beginning of the month but I did it at a slower pace.
On Thursday night, I went back to KL because I have appointment with my doctor. I arrived at Hentian Duta at 6am thus I randomly decided to go to Masjid Wilayah.
It was the best decision I've made because I felt so calm being there; prayed Subuh with the Imam, then I read Al Quran until 8am. Thank you Allah for bringing me here.
Then I went to see the doctor for eye checkup. It was for a short while only & around 10am I was already done. To kill time, I went back the nearest mall because Mama wanted some fruits from there. I took bus to go back to Kedah at 12pm.
Once I arrived home, we celebrated October babies' birthdays - we ate Baskin Robbin cake for the first time!
I spend the rest of the weekend with my family; going out for breakfast & went to kenduri together.

Week 2:
I went to training of corporate culture & it was nice because it taught us different kind of ways to think. I also did groceries shopping, & ready a chapter of the book I needed to present the following week. I spend the weekend resting at home

Week 3:
I had my presentation, which was scary haha but it turned out to be a great discussion session. I love amazing sessions like this! We also had Isaac's farewell, everyone was so sad to let him go but he's going for better things so we're so happy for him. Then I went back to Kedah. I attended so many kenduri that weekend until my blood smelled like air sirap 😆

Week 4:
I went to the mall with my family during Deepavali - we ate sushii, shopping & played bowling together for the first time ever! On the way back we bought "burger bakaq" which was so good & instead of using coal, they used coconut coir. I continued WFH for the rest of the week trying to push through my sales, but they were certain things I couldn't hit because many things were out of stock. I started reading a book too, & then I went back to KL to start a new month.

Things were moving pretty fast, & I travelled a lot in October.  Before going into November, I wished to clean up & reorganize everything in my life before going into 2023 in two months. We can do this girl, everything starts, NOW!

Ps: I've been keeping this in my draft for quite some time sorryyyy

Till then,
Adlina

Grieving will make it go away

Assalamualaikum & Hi,

Today it was raining & I came across a song "The One that Got Away" which I've put in my Brokenhearted playlist on Spotify.

The weather & the song kind of reminds me of old pain. The one I already get rid of, but it will always made remember how far I went through when it came to my mind.

The day my heart was terribly broken, was on Tuesday, 29th September, exactly during my lunch break. When I got the news, I tried to hold my tears, but I just couldn't. I was talking through the phone with my client while tears flowing down my cheeks.

The pain felt like, it wasn't exactly pain, but more to dissapointment, because someone I really trust, love, been through ups & downs left me just like that - like I was so meaningless in his life & how a person can change in a blink of an eye. Until now I still didn't understand how & why it happened because I really didn't get a proper closure as I was left hanging in the dark.

When I reached home, I cried & keep crying until I felll asleep.

I am a person who will share happy stories only with my loved ones. All the painful things I will usually keep it on my own. But this kind of pain was something I couldn't keep. I didn't explode or get mad but I thought if I kept in on my own I'd be crazy. So I told my mom, & she's shocked too but she calmed me down. I kept telling how I felt to her, & although she definitely didn't understand, she listened. & then I slowly gradually told my family & best friends.

I want to share about my grieving process. I cried, I felt lost, I was on my own in the dark processing everything, I lost my appetite, & I lose weight. I think that's around 2 months.

After that I tried to stop the grieving, by forgetting, throwing away & not seeing anything related to my pain but each time I fell back into grieving again. At one point I just get along with my sorrrow, following whatever I felt, until I realized how stupid I was - wasting years with this person, & then another year of being sad while the another person lived happily, which I wouldn't interrupt, so why am I living like this?

Starting that day onwards, I never entertained my sadness again. I embraced all my dissapointments, but I never let it engulfed me until it affected me & stopped me from living happily, like really happy.

I have been growing so so much after I stopped grieving. There were days I wondered, what if I just move on without grieving? I never got the answers, but deep in my heart, I knew I will explode along the way if I didn't properly acknowledge my sorrow. So when the second time my heart was broken, it didn't hurt as much as the first one. & I left as soon I realized it's not worth it to be lied to. But I did grieved for a while before I moved on. 

While writing this, I realized, grieving is actually my closure. Although I once listened to "The One that Got Away" 50 times per day, I eventually moved on & stopped listening to the song.

Like rainbow coming after the rain, life too will be colourful & bloom beautifully when you stop grieving 🌷🌈

You will become a completely different person than before, you will love yourself more than ever, & you will realize your worth so you never settle for less anymore.

So today, just grief as much as you want, cry as much as you want, be sad as long as you want, but promise me one day, you will stop feeling that way, because you deserve so much than this pain.

The roadd is soo wide & long for you to treasure & the pain is not the end. It's just the end of a road for you to move to a better place. You will make it through, trust me, because I did ❤️

Till then,

Adlina

Love can always grow

Assalamualaikum & Hi,

Although I'm bubbly, I'm the type of person who likes to be alone on my own. Back when I was younger I rarely told my family how I felt & just figure things out on my own. & I also not very good in keeping in touch with my big family. Only after I started working, I kind of change a lot (like really a lot) in terms of that.

When I was doing my internship, I stayed with my grandmother. That was when I get closer to her & started to love her even more. She cooked a lot of nice food for me. We went to the market together & she taught me about types of fishes because she liked to eat fishes. Her signature dish was Spicy Bolognese pasta, IT WAS SO GOOD! I asked her for the recipe & she gave it to me, it was super easy yet so flavourful.

Last night, I was craving for lasagna. So I decided to make one on my own, by adding a little twist to my grandma's recipe, using lasagna sheet instead of spaghetti & making the cheese sauce. It was so gooooooood it tasted exactly like hers! I told my mother I felt so grateful that I learned that recipe, because one day if she's gone, it will make me always remember her through the recipe.

Back then, which was years ago in my teenage years, I was kind of afraid to love & care for others, because I was scared of being hurt - like whatever I gave to people won't be reciprocated the same way. But I learned from the best, my Mama - that loving even when it's not returned the same way or if you got hurt, is much much better than regretting not doing so.

Even when you think it's too late to share your love with your family or someone you care, it's never late to start, because love can always grow. Now that I already opened my heart to give my love to my grandmother, I started to understand her as a person, & I can never undo loving her. It's easier to love when you let your heart to understand that person.

& so that's what came to my mind, while making lasagna. May Allah bless my grandma, & all of us.

Ps: when I said love it means love as in general love not the lovey dovey oozy doozy love.

Till then,

Adlina

Mama & Abah

Assalamualaikum and Hi, 

I was supposed to write many many weeks ago when it was my father's birthday, but I've been procrastinating ever since.

Mama & Abah are the most important person in my life. Just like other parents, they raised us with love and sacrificed a lot of things in order to make sure we grew up well. 

I've went through all phases - being good, rebellious, neutral and understanding. I felt sorry for my parents for having to cope with me but I don't want to remember the past. If there's anything I could change, it'll be to always see the world through their point of view. So that I will understand them & the choices they made for me. But I'm young & dumb before so let's just let that go.

I will move forward with lessons I learnt and be the best daughter for them. I love them more than ever now and I will do everything I can to make them happy.

Nevertheless, my parents have taught me many valuable lessons in life. Really a lot. And I'm gonna list down all of them here.

To always be humble - Mama & Abah are both very humble person. They always be friends with everyone from all sorts of backgrounds not only from people of same level. They always support & be nice to everyone.

To help people in need - sometimes when they went to the market, they bought things from the hawker because they wanted to help them, eventhough they don't need the things that was sold

To live within your means - my parents taught me to live with what I can afford & not lavishly. As the saying cut your coat according to your cloth.

To understand there's no black and white in life - I was lucky my parents were both educators. So they knew a lot of things from other peoples' lives. Sometimes they shared stories with my siblings for us to learn. As a person who follow the book, they slowly made me learn that in life there were grey area, one I needed to understand according to situation.

God is the best planner -  Sometimes things will happen differently from what I want. No matter how painful in might be when things didn't go according to my plan, just redha with everything so that your heart will be at peace.

Be closer to Allah and ask everything from Him - the only One who will always be with me every step of the way

Family > everything - when I grew up, I might be at distance from my family, some of us might be successful than others - at that time, never let material things bring us apart. Remember how we were brought my smallest little things back when we have nothing. Always help, guide & love each other sincerely.

To always listen and respect your parents - maybe I will not always agree with everything my parents told me, but take their advices, think thoroughly& talk nicely to them.

To plan your financial - sedekah, give some to parents not because they ask but for their blessings which will later ease everything in mg life.

To always appreciate people in life - because everyone matters.

To have empathy for people by putting yourself in theirs shoes - felt what others felt by imagining what if you're facing what they faced.

Nobody's perfect - People always make mistakes. Never expection perfection from anyone.

To forgive everyone but have boundaries if necessary - everyone made mistakes but never the same mistakes all over again. Always forgive but never forget, especially when people went overboard many many times.

Special things about my parents:

Mama - the kindest soul I've ever met. She would do anything for the people she loved. & will give the best in everything she did.

Abah - the most innocent person I've not. Funny, knowledgable but I always mistaken it because he's not serious most of the time. Looked like a roaring tiger on the outside but he had the softest heart.

I love you Mama & Abah, thank you for being such a wonderful parents to me & my siblings 🥰
Thank you for giving meaning to the lives you've touched.

Till then,

Adlina

The peace from within

Assalamualaikum & Hi,

Today after Isya' prayer, I sat on the prayer mat & suddenly I felt so peaceful & positive energy flowing through my body. The water from wudhuk I took before made me felt very cool & calm.

I was not the type of person who's very religious but I tried my very best not to miss 5x prayers every day. & now I was trying to pray on time instead of last minute. But this one was so hard, especially for Isya' because I tend to sleep earlier or do something else.

As for reading Al Quran, back in high school that was easy for me to do as life in boarding school was more organized. Lately, especially last Ramadan, I read Al Quran every single day, with the meaning as well. One day, when I was praying for taraweeh, the Imam cried while reciting surah. & I was clueless why he cried. But there were few words I understood & I knew the surah was about the Judgement day. Since that day, I was curious to understand more about Al Quran but of course it took such a long time for me to act. I tried to read the meaning too whenever I read the Al Quran & slowly memorized some common words. Surprisingly when I did that, I was lead to know more on the elaboration of the Al Quran. Then one day my friend posted about #myqurantime on FB & I was curious what's that about. So I went to social media & digged to find out. From there I learned that #myqurantime was a TV show where each episode they explained one page of the Al Quran. Now I had the feeling of wanting to learn the Arabic languange.

It was pretty amazing how Allah led me to all these. Sometimes when I woke up very early in the morning, read Al Quran, zikir & perform prayers before going to work - my day went so very smooth & easy.

Everytime I get closer to Him, there's powerful energy I felt within me, making me even calmer & redha for everything He gave me; good or bad. It's definitely hard to be consistent, but I hope He will guide me. Getting near to him, every step closer, brought out the peace within me. 

Of course it's not easy, never was. But May Allah guide us every step of the way. He definitely will. Slowly but surely. One step at a time. You'll get there, to the One who made you & give you the peace within.

Till then,

Adlina

Something to ponder

Assalamualaikum & Hi,

This thought has been running through my mind for the past few weeks so I must put it here.

It's about my work of course haha. For the past few months, things just get harder, like so hard. I even complained to my boss but the answer I got was "it's hard so that's why you were paid like that".

Of course I was not satisfied with the answer - Adlina Maisarah is a girl who need to seek validation externally instead of listening to people around me.

Then one day I was sent for a training. During that training I sat with people from other departments. I almost choked when I heard they said they had to do overtime almost everyday & sometimes during weekend too. 

While me, I don't need to do so, I just need to standby if there's any urgency to check & revert back; just through the phone, one click away or in front of laptop, one call away. But I still complained a lot. & for the whole month I worked, only once or twice I will work overtime, that happens only if I still doesn't achieve my target. & I got the flexibility to work from home at least 2 days/week. Most importantly, I have nice colleagues & understanding bosses (trust me no matter how tough it is, I will forever be grateful for my bosses you have no idea what kind of leadership I have to deal before)

Like life, there's no perfect job. Wherever you go, there's always loopholes in your expectations. I still remember a friend told me before I started my new job a year ago; "don't complain/rebel yet. Do it first. Then only you know you can or cannot."

Since I started working here again, life has changed tremendously for me; in terms of everything especially for me as a person. I will forever be grateful for the magic Allah has given me for this one.

P/s: dear bossesss, if you're reading this, thank you for everything & I will always learn, improvise & give my best in everything I do. Please guide meee.

Till then,

Adlina.

Dear Bestie

Assalamualaikum & Hi,

I always told myself I will never buy a car because I was so very afraid to drive & car was very costly to keep by the way so it's the last thing on my wish list.

One fine day around December last year, I just decided to buy a car - now I really couldn't remember why but maybe it's because the place I was staying at now was very far for me to move around. So I decided maybe it's time I should drive anyway. Then I started to browse every car that I might wanted to buy. I was shockedddd to see the price of a car was very very expensive. I thought it was just like around RM20-30k only. Well, I was definitely wrong.

Initially I wanted Proton Saga, but my parents have been using Proton car all their life before this so they said noooo. So I listened to them because I wanted their blessings. Then, I still search & search - after endless searching & comparing process, I thought Perodua cars were quite nice. So I narrowed down my choices to - Axia & Myvi. I wanted cheaper car so I opted for Axia. My parents were okay with it but I could feel they were not like 100% agree because the car technology was back in 2019. The one who was against me the most was my boss. He was like no no you deserved at least a Myvi blablabla. But I was so determined to buy an Axia so I just proceeded with it.

On the loan signing day, I confirmed with the salesman "is it today? Do I need to bring anything? Does it take a long time? Will you come with me?" because it was a habit of mine to confirm things a day before it happened. He was like "yeahh, no need to bring anything but yourself. it will take very very short time. & you'll be going alone". 

The next day, I was so nervous, I wore baju kurung that day & went to the office. Around 8am, I went to the bank. There was quite a lot of people but the line was moving. After about almost an hour of waiting, it was my turn. The officer looked for my loan signing form. And...it was not there. I panicked, almost out of my breath. Then I called my salesman & said my form was not there. He said he'd checked back & confirmed with me. It turned out the person who's supposed to bring the form got Covid, so my form was still at another branch. & guess what's the solution the salesman gave me? It's either I came here another day or went to that branch. I was so mad at him because it was his mistake not to confirm with the bank first when I already asked him before. As soon as I cooled down, I called him back & I said I wanted to cancel because I was disappointed with his attitude.

I took a Grab to go back to the office & the car I rode was very nice - & it was Honda Civic. I was still so mad at that time so I said to myself I'd buy this car instead. Then I Google the price & it was bloody expensive! So I said goodbye to that dream car. When I arrived at the office, I told my colleagues what happened & everybody said to me they thought I should buy a Myvi  but they were scared to tell me because I was determined to buy the Axia. My boss who was against me with Axia, also laughed at me & thought I was cursed by his words. When I told my family, they said the same thing like everyone else, maybe Myvi was meant for me.

I prayed to Allah if this the best for me, please ease everything for me. I contacted another salesman who handled my sister's car purchase. A few weeks later he called me to sign the loan. I took a day off & went to sign the loan at Jalan Masjid India & the process was very smooth. The salesman also came with me that day. He told me the waiting time should be around 3 - 5 months. But, to my surprise, a month later he said the car already came. I was so speechless. So in May, I got my car, alhamdullillah.

Unfortunately, I was still scared of driving. I tried,  I wasn't scared anymore & it was fine but I was not good at it, especially on reversing. So I had an accident on the 6th day when I scratched the door & it dented a bit. Therefore we had to take the car back to repair it. Luckily there's the car insurance so I don't need to take out money. 

My parents took care of the car & my dad drove it to the mosque every night. Sometimes when I went back to Kedah, I still drive the car (when I had the courage). The car was still there & my brother will be starting work soon so I suggested he should use my car first, because he needed it more than me.

When I look back, the car was a gift from Allah to me & everyone else. I might not be the one driving it, at least not for now, but it was what everyone else needed. Love you dear Bestie! (I named it Bestie cus she's everyone's bestie)

The thing about destiny & fate - no matter how we planned it, if it's meant to be it will definitely happen easily. That's why I've been telling myself now in all aspects in life - & to my surprise I am always at ease. Alhamdulilllah 🥰

To everyone reading this, please pray that one day, soon, I can drive everywhere I want to go - safely & brilliantly.

Till then,

Adlina

2022: September, the most adventurous one

Assalamualaikum & Hi,

September basically my favourite month this year because it was so filled with a lot of memories!

I took 1 week of leave on the first week. It was unplanned. I managed to convince my bosses, although it's basically hard to do so, I did it anyway. My Mama & the siblings wanted to come to KL for holiday. So we booked the hotel, planned where to go & everything last minute. So here's my holiday went;

31/8 - 2/9 - stayed at Tuwa's before we went to KL. 

5/9: travelled from Penang to KL by car with them during the day. That night I brought them walking around Bukit Bintang to see the lively city & nice lampu lampu. It was a great nice because; we had nice grab drivers & the food at Kyochon was great (we even got free chicken!).

6/9: In the morning I took the siblings to the hotel's infinity pool,Went to Jalan TAR with the fam & ate at the famous Restoran Insaf. Then I brought my sisters on LRT ride to uncle Ajib's house in the evening and lepak until 11pm catching up & played monopoly with the cousins. Then we went to Saloma Bridge & Twin tower because we wanted to see the beautiful lights. Stayed there until 12am to see the lights off at the Twin tower while riding beam. Such a great night but so tiringgg 😬

7/9: Initially we wanted to go to Royal Floria fest but macam ramai. So we strolled around Putrajaya instead seeing the view & beautiful buildings. We stopped at the Putra Mosque to pray & my grandmother said it was her first time being here as she usually it on TV only. Then, we went to the famous Itik Salai Mashtar, which tasted so much better when eating with them. In the evening we wanted to go out but I already exhausted so we took a rest then the whole family had dinner with Abah who stayed in UKM while I went to TBS to go to the next destination

8/9: Rushed to Baling, Kedah for this girl! Had breakfast at the famous Tiptop Corner & then celebrated her malam berinai. It was the first time I wore inai on my fingers after a long time. Husna was the prettiest bride to be 😍

9/9: The weddding day of Husna & Aiman. Congratulations both of you! May Allah blessed your marriage with joy & happiness. I'm happy you found your way to each other. It was one of the most beautiful wedding ever!

10/9 - & rushed back to Bangi again after Husna's wedding for final event of the week - to see my baby brother become Leftenan Muda Adli Mirza! Congratulations Adikkk, very proud of youuu.

Then the following week I went to office full days as usual to complete my work as there have two screens. In the weekend I went to Kelantan for Husna's wedding by flight. It was kinda tragic because I accidentally forgot to put my father's name so I was charged RM150 to add his name back.

While in Kelantan, I spent my time mostly with Husna's family. Her family were so kind to me I thought they're like mine already. We had barbecue by the pool that night. The following morning we went to Kopitiam Kita before the reception.

During reception, I met Nina & here family & had a chit chat with them. Later on Nina & Faiz brought me to Bazar Tok Guru & then to her family's new house. Before going back to KL we went to Acu Tera for dinner. Then, Nina, Faiz & Alisa send me to the airport. Flight got delayed around 1 hour++ so I prayed & read some stuffs. I also had two interviews that week; one to further studies & one for career change (which I don't have intention to but I want to know how the market was)

The following week, I finally qualified as Outstanding Achiever as I already hit all target for the year. Now I need to learn to slow down & penetrated more non active customers.

30/9/2022 - After 19 years of wearing thick spectacles & 1.5 years of wearing contact lenses with power of -925 both sides, today I got to see clearly again without them. 

24/9 - I went to eye checkup (lasik journey should be in different post) & catching up with Nasuha.  I loved meeting her because we always talked about stories to inspire us be a better person & grateful with our lives.

I finished my worked earlier this month because I was going for lasik surgery on 30/9/2022. Alhamdulillah the surgery went well, but need to rest my eyes for few days & got 1 week medical leave. Anyway the service in KPJ KL was very goood! Will review soon in another post.

Till then,

Adlina.